NO HARD EDGES

BY KAMAU ROBERT 

Hello Beautiful people of the world!The new decade is here,yes!This is the decade most of us in our twenties are going to make our dreams come true,hopefully find true love and proudly become amazing parents or simply be happy (fingers crossed)

Let’s come back to 2020 first,so far the year has been good and bad…so much has happened and we are only two months in.
I will be honest here,it’s damn scary,I personally feel the pressure…we all feel the pressure to change and achieve somethings in the shortest time possible.

It’s February now,matters of the heart,let’s talk about that a little.
Valentines is here,love birds are going all out and crazy;matching outfits,expensive gifts and dinners or just happy to have and support each other in this times.
The singles out there,do what makes you happy,find yourself and don’t hide your feelings.

Whether you are in love or not,DO YOU this valentines and preferably the rest of the year.Say a prayer in the morning because the world is a beautiful place and we are getting ready by God’s Grace.
Take risks,believe in the greater you…have a purpose and mostly be comfortable in your hard edges.You are a warrior because beneath your torn heart,is a love song…the kind you listen to when going back home.

Now,my parting words since we don’t have all day.Be kind to yourself,be weird,fall in love and continue to dream big.

Happy Valentines and have a beautiful day.

 

A lover of Love.

By Jay Kay.

I want to look at a kind act and see a feature of love. I don’t want to look at it anymore and just ask: why was this done? What do they want back? Will she ask for something? Does she want me to repay her?

Sometimes you know I’m scared. Well it can’t be sometimes cause I always am. I fear to trust but I’m trying. Am trying to kill this tower like walls and welcome these people in but.
They scare me. At times I think I fear people more than I fear loneliness.

I used to think love was beyond reach,
That our minds couldn’t bend it our way,
I used to believe a lover was destiny’s choice,
That all we had to do was go with the flow,
I used to believe love would care itself to growth,
That love was a force beyond our control,
Fighting to draw us together.
I used to, till I met love.

Love was beautiful,
Graced with magnificent elegance,
Love cared, and filled my days with joy,
Love conquered my innocent mind,
Love won my heart over, I gave myself to love,
I saw destiny’s light ahead.

But then love changed,
Love began to care less, and I cared more to compensate,
Love created vacuums in my space,
Love suffocated my soul beneath it’s own,
And bruised my ego.
Love broke me, and taught me its nature.

Love isn’t fixed, love isn’t destiny’s choice,
Love is a choice we make,
Love grows in those little moments we choose to share.

What does it take?

“I have had dreams, and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares, because of my dreams.” ~Jonas Sulk.

What does it take to overcome a nightmare? When you can’t seem to get over or past it long enough? When it comes up at some point during the day or night? Everyday. When it’s been months? When it’s a whole new year? Does it mean your dreams aren’t big enough? Bright enough? What does it take to not be triggered? To not relate? What does it take to not be lying in bed at night and you’re suddenly choking back tears? To sometimes have similar nightmares in your sleep? What does it take to not have moments of terrorising fear when you’re with your lover? To push him away because you can’t stand his weight on you?

The thing is, I don’t remember much of it. I don’t remember how it started, or how it ended. I don’t remember all of what I said, or what was said to me. I don’t remember if it was one of them, or two of them or all of them. All I remember, clear as day, is trying my best to push him/them off. My feeble attempts, my helplessness. I remember the stinging cold of the night. The dampness of the grass where I spent the night.

The truth is I didn’t really register it until the next day. And even then, even now, I don’t remember all of it. I remember the difficulty of the next day. Seeing the familiar face of my brother. Him seeing me and immediately asking me if I had been raped. The breakdown at my answer at the realization and confirmation of the previous night. The having to give an account of events at the police station and the hospital. A recollection of details I could hardly remember. My version changing at every interrogation. The confusion. The medical tests. The bruises on my face. The black eye that lasted for a week. The dirt under my fingernails. The dried leaves in my hair. The dirt on my clothes. The bruises on my thighs. The stench of stale alcohol on my breath.

Did the fact that I had been extremely intoxicated help? Was it better that I didn’t fully recall the assault? The pain? Their faces? Or was it worse? Worse because it wouldn’t have happened were I sober? Worse because the rapists will forever walk scot-free? Worse because I couldn’t have fought them off tried as I could? As I did?

That thing in the movies. Where you burn a note or some item or throw something in the river…and somehow you find some sort of closure. I tried it, you know? Burnt the medical records and my police statement. It didn’t work. And now I think I’ll never be fine. Its a matter locked up inside me, locked below my breast, locked up in the deepest crevices of my brain, as though in a grave, a place of permanence.

And so I ask. What does it take to overcome a nightmare?

Environmental Specialist in the making.

Going into University, I had no idea what the course I had chosen, BSc. Environmental Science, with IT, entailed. Recently though, I realized that having attained my degree, being that time where I am seeking job opportunities, that it is not only about a favourable salary I desire. Someone asked me where my motivation lies. What is my commitment?

The thing that motivates me the most would be the very increasing environmental issues in our world. How the Environment seems to deteriorate every other day with almost noone batting an eye. The existing relationship between development &population increase, which are inevitable, and the environment has proven to be almost always negative. The weak enforcement of environmental regulations within governments motivates me to want to facilitate environmental protection and conservation in whole but most importantly to protect the unaware of the kind of adverse effects brought upon by human activities to the environment. A chance to work with the people to improve their livelihoods, to impact their lives with long term solutions to their immediate problems is a motivation I look forward to attaining.
The factor that made me push through my coursework with undying passion was the realization that I have the opportunity to change the world. To work towards maintaining it and improving it where many are inclined to destroy it as they fill their pockets. I have the opportunity to change a life by simply providing solutions to existing problems; water shortage, infertile lands, sustainable development, improved sanitation systems and subsequently improved health etc etc.

If given an opportunity where I can work hands on, on improving our earth, and most importantly this country, I would be wholly committed because I have the passion and I have the ability to make it just a little better for the next generation. It is my belief that the environment need not be deteriorating when so many systems for its protection exist or can be built. Sustainable development can be achieved in our country and I intend to prove that. I intend to raise awareness on these issues. I intend to make people realise just how detrimental climate change is. The need for situational focus on coping strategies to deal with its already existing effects to avoid eventual crises.

Personally,  I am a hardworking individual who strives to achieve the best in all areas and I am always eager to learn new skills and advance my career. I am, therefore, keen to build upon my knowledge and continue to learn within each and any sector that I would find myself in. I can conduct EIAs and EAs and prepare subsequent reports, which ultimately enables Compliance with environmental laws and regulations for its protection. I have worked in waste management, both effluent and solid waste and would be thrilled to work towards coming up with and implementing systems that ultimately minimize generation of waste and facilitate effective disposal of the same. I also aspire to be an implementor of environmental policies where I would be at the forefront in coming up with effective policies as well as improving existing ones. I have a load of theoretical knowledge that I wish to put into implementation as I learn new things along the way.

I have a whole vision of how I would love our country to look like. To be like. I wish that our citizens would be aware of the importance of maintaining their environment to avoid creation of more destruction opportunities. I wish for a government that not only aims for development but considers its sustainability. I aim to protect our natural resources against those set to destroy them for personal gain. I aim to protect the vulnerable against situations they find themselves in due to those on top of the food chain. I aim to come up with and implement systems and solutions to existing and arising problems in our country.

I aim to teach and to learn.

Of Blunts and Nuts.

I had just visited my cutty buddy for the first time in two months. I was dressed in my black pencil skirt and black cropsweater looking fine af. In all honesty I had missed the guy and seeing him made me glad.  We caught up not really talking about anything in particular. He offered a glass of juice and sat there next to me.

After a while, he rose from his seat and came back with a blunt and a lighter. Joy fizzed up in me like a shaken bottle of champagne. No better way to conversate than over a sweet sweet blunt. He played a J Cole mixtape and my oh my wasn’t that a mood. Evening was settling in as we blazed through the conversation.

“Oh, by the way, you’re looking so fine in that outfit. I’m sure it was a problem from the bus stop to here for you cus of those guys,” he said grinning at me. An exciting chill crawled down the length of my body, eating it up, inch by inch.

“Thanks babe.” I said shyly rising to get a glass of water. That shit gets me perched. We sat in silence letting J Cole speak to us. Every now and then one of us would sing along to our favorite lyrics.

He moved closer and turned my head to him, planting a small kiss at the corner of my lips. That was enough to give me an inexplicable million-volt charge that was like nothing else and we were fumbling in passion in no time. He pinned me down on the couch grabbing me everywhere. I was literally breathless. Had it been that damn long?

My head swirled with the highness and the excitement. Low moans kept escaping my throat. I hoisted myself up,  feeling like the room was shifting along with me and straddled him. His hands grabbed my ass and pulled me forward to his crotch. By this time the skirt had risen all the way up to my thighs almost at my waist. I struggled for more contact and grinded against him moaning with every touch there.

There was no time to waste. I lifted myself up and fumbled with his belt.  Sensing my frustration, he started to pull his pants down as I pulled my panties to the side. His trousers were barely at his knees when I sank down on his steady manhood and Lord did that feel good!

“Fuck,” he let out.

“Fuck,” I said in reply.

He quickly pulled up my top and sunk his face between my breasts squeezing them together and letting out a long sigh under his breath. I rose again to completely pull off my panties and went in for the kill. He cussed again as I sank once more of to his shaft. Utter bliss! Whether it was missing him, or that fuzziness in my head from the smoke,  I rode his dick like my life depended on it. I could feel my ass bouncing up and down and looking at his face and seeing him lost in the pleasure only gave me more stamina. I whined my waist against his dick and lived for that continuos cuss over and over. Up down,  Up down, Swiiiirl.

I could feel it was time to pick up the pace. My own body was a tight knot of pleasure. I held on to his head as it lay on my full bust and he on to my butt and together we fucked each other as we neared the end. Total raw fuckery.  I felt his warm essence shoot up within my walls which brought me to the edge, tightening and shivering against his neck.

We couldn’t help but laugh out in tital gratification as we panted the minutes away.

 

A Journey To Self-Love

People almost always want to go back to when they were little kids. When they were carefree, oblivious, loved, genuinely happy and bubbly. This is a child’s life, is it not? Where all the attention is directed to you, for all the right reasons.

I have been reading this book: ‘Madly in love with me‘ by Christine Arylo. Christine says the good news is, thay we already know how to love ourselves, we’ve just forgotten. That I was born that way, it’s my natural state. That I should think back to when I was a little girl and carefree; open to the wonder of the world; when my light was super bright.

You see, the thing is though, I cannot remember this little girl. No matter how hard I try. All I seem to remember is an awkward little girl, almost always panicked or afraid, uncertain of her place in the world. Maybe it’s because some bitterness was taken out on me, more often than not. Maybe it’s because I was only a little over a year older than our last born and he hogged all the attention I was supposed to be given. Maybe it’s because the only person who showed me some favoritism was almost always absent and eventually left our lives. I don’t know, maybe it’s because all my birthday cakes turned out burnt.

I was my only best friend. I perfected the art of stuffing down my feelings and keeping my opinions to myself, which only resulted to a timid adult who cowers back in social settings. Panic literally fizzes up in me, like a shaken bottle of champagne, whenever I’m expected to give my opinion in a group of people.

“Imagine how your life might have been different if self-love had been spoken of openly as you grew up. A message of self love.”

I wish a lot of things. I wish I was spoken to more, than being shouted at half of the time. I wish someone regularly took the time to ask, ‘A penny for your thoughts?’ I wish I felt like I had a confidant, a cushion, a best friend.

In the words of Seinabo Sei, however:

I’ve been thinking about tomorrow, instead of drowning in the past. I’ve had good times even back when dreams were all I had to trust. So as I wake up this bright morning, nothing is going to break me down.

I will forge on to forgive my past, to arise from it like a phoenix from it’s ashes, and ultimately conquer this journey of self love.

Bless.

The Garden

Hello there.

I have always been an avid reader. Mostly I enjoy African reads and thrillers for other bestsellers. Additionally, I like to read blogs. All sorts: travel, fashion, life, nutrition, erotica, etc. It is from this culture, that I have decided to give writing a try.

Hope you enjoy.

You shall forgive this very first post. Because it is not original. It’s rather a summary. See, I recently set out on a journey. A journey to seek a sense of spirituality. To be honest, I still don’t understand what that means. I have asked for help from friends, and every one of them seems to have a different perspective on what that entails. Let’s just say, I am still gathering data before I start to exercise or experience that which I seek.

I came across a book, rather it was recommended to me by one of these friends. You may have read it, you may have not. It is from this book that I picked out what I will write here now. A brief summary of key points that I gathered, for a part of the inspiration that I received from reading this book. So like I said, forgive.

The garden here is a representation of the mind. The mind is one of the fundamental principles which embodies the keys to self leadership, personal responsibility and spiritual enlightenment. You see, just like a garden, you must care for, nurture and cultivate your mind, for it to blossom. You must rid it of all toxic waste which would normally manifest as worries, anxieties, self-created fears, fretting about the past, brooding over the future, et. cetera.

It is important that you adapt a positive paradigm about your world and all that is in it. Dare to dream that you are more than the sum of your current circumstances. Begin to live out of the glory of your imagination, not your memory. Did you know that ninety-five percent of about the average sixty thousand thoughts running through your mind per day are the same as those you thought about the day before?

If you hope to make remarkable improvements in your outer world you must first start within and change the caliber of your thoughts. Apparently, thoughts are material messengers that we send out to influence our physical world. When you learn to take control of your thoughts, and vividly imagine all that you desire from this worldly existence in a state of total expectancy, dormant forces will awaken inside you- unlocking the true potential of your mind to create the kind of magical life you deserve.

Winston Churchill said, “The price of greatness is, responsibility over each of your thoughts.” Remember, the way you think stems from habit. Even from negative experiences, learn to see opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of self-mastery. From struggle, comes strength. Sow the seeds of opportunity in your painful experience and more importantly, have the courage to nourish them. Jonas Salk said, “I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares, because of my dreams”.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton